Consider the Dad

This is my first time at writing a blog, but I feel its necessary as a man and as a future father. My wife is 21 weeks pregnant, and like any unsure, uncertain and questionable father I have tried to find answers to all my questions: What type of dad will I be? Am I going to be a good father? Will I be able to cope with the changes? I had so many questions, and almost no answers.

I have subscribed my wife to every pregnancy magazine, and yet I open the packaging and read the articles first. I carefully scan the contents to see what information is available to dads, and it always seems obvious what I am going to read about. I feel that the stereotypical questions are answered: How to support your family? What time of man am I going to be? Things that actually dont address what I want to know about being a father. I want to know: How can I bond with my child? How do I hold my baby close when I feed him? When he cries and mom is tired, what can I do?

The answers always seem so simple, but I must ask the most important question that comes to my mind: How can women expect me to be included and be the better father when every single article tells me that the only real bond is between a mother and child? I am not a typical man, I have a really soft side, so I want to experience as much as I can with my wife and child, but I do feel that the exclusion that society places on me is already a deterent. I am a man, and that is my sin, clearly!

If my baby cries, I will be there to soothe him. If he falls, I will pick him up. Now, I am not saying that I will adhere to the norm of being a father, and I will definitely participate in the upbringing and care of my child, and I am also not saying that women feel that they are excluding their men, but ladies....just consider that men do feel excluded. Society creates that impression, and so men tend to exclude themselves.

Now please know that I do not condone men that choose to exclude themselves from their children, and nor do I support such behaviour. I choose to be a large part in my child's life, and nothing or no-one will tell me differently. I just want acknowledgement that I have as equal a right as my wife when it comes to my child. What about my right to paternal leave, as is the case for women on maternity leave? When my wife struggles with tiredness, fatigue, exhaustion and generally feeling run down, how am I being a part of the solution, if I am at work and not at home looking after my little one while my wife takes that nice long afternoon nap? I want that, but I do not have the same rights, and so, traditionally I am excluded.

I know I sound so bitter, but this is not what I am trying to accomplish here. I want to know what other fathers think, and get them involved in these discussions. I want to hear from mothers (or future moms) about how they feel about their men, and their participation, either during pregnancy or with the little one already born. I would also like input from mothers who have older children and their partners participate, or regretably, do not participate. Perhaps as a man, I can give you my thoughts, input and maybe a little advice.

I welcome all feedback, suggestions, ideas, questions and hopefully - answers.

Thank You